February 5, 2009

• The Meanest, Awesomist Thing I Ever Did

  My brother and I are 3.5 years apart.

  My other siblings are significantly older than my little brother and I, so John and I pretty much had each other while growing up…especially in the latter years of our childhood.  We were just close enough in age to be able to play together, but just far enough apart to drive the other absolutely NUTS. We fought a lot. No big deal…we’re brothers.

  Brothers fight. We just do…errrrr…did.

  Some rather famous memories of our youth include:
  -The time we were fighting over a book of “Silly Answers to Stupid Questions” (published by those MAD Magazine folks) and we argued so much that my dad ripped the book in half and threw it in the fireplace…fantastically punishing us BOTH equally with the ultimate, irreversible consequence: complete destruction by FIRE.

  and

  -The time we were fighting in the RV while on vacation, and I threw John’s most prized possession at the time–a little bag of collectible coins he had been gathering at each of our vacation stops–right out onto the highway somewhere along the Oregon Trail (a.k.a Highway 5-ish) while we were driving.  Of course, my brother begged my parents to stop, but they did not–aptly punishing us both for arguing…but mostly him that time…hahahaha

  …but the meanest, most despicable thing I ever did to anyone, I did to my brother while I was in high school.

  He had been on a big Raisin Nut Bran kick for a while. You know that stuff, right?

  

  Tastier than regular Raisin Bran because of those almond covered raisins, but still just as healthy and juicy. We both used to try and pour it juuuuust right so we would get the most of those raisins. I mean, they were (and ARE) the best part of the whole stinkin’ breakfast experience. Nothing matched the awesomeness of that flavor. YUM. We’d watch the flow of cereal while it came out of the box, looking for the best possible raisin-to-bran-flake ratio, squeezing every last tasty raisin that we could out of the box while still being respecatble about it.

  Well…needless to say…we both loved it…but it was HIS favorite.

  Especially the raisins.

  Soooooo…one day, for some reason that seems to escape me know…I decided that the best possible justice for whatever wrong my brother had incurred that day towards me was for me to:

  find a GIANT, huge, gargantuan bowl,

  open the FRESH, brand new box of Raisin Nut Bran (that my brother was undoubtedly looking forward to opening in the morning)

  pour the WHOLE box out into the oversized bowl,

  and fish through the thing until I found and devoured EVERY. LAST. RAISIN.

  and I did.

  MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

  And I watched the next morning while my dear, sweet brother John poured his bowl of cereal (he was probably 13 or 14 at the time).

  “Hmmm…this is weird. Where are all the raisins?”

  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

  HAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA

  MUAHAHAHAHAA

  and I laughed and laughed at him on the inside.

  (I think this is when the devil horns started growing…)

  And he just kept sifting through the cereal, looking and looking and looking for a single raisin where there was none to be found.

  I KNOW!!!

  I’M SO MEAN!!!

  I don’t think I ever told my brother that I did that to him…but he’ll never know, since he doesn’t read this thing…

  So what is the meanest thing you’ve ever done to a sibling? Or GOSH, I guess it could just be the meanest thing you’ve ever done to anyone…

  • 5:21 am
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