September 14, 2008
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The Vasectomy Monologues, Act I
OUCH.Yesterday, a little piece of my manhood was taken away from me.
Well…two pieces…to be exact….of my vas deferens…ya know…if we’re being precise…
…and although I know I’ve done the right thing, no amount of Extra Strength Tylenol or frozen-peas-turned-into-an-ice-pack will bring back what I’ve lost.
OK, ok…I’m just being melodramatic. But it does hurt…
(Believe me when I tell you that I’ll spare you the details–THIS POST WILL REMAIN PG-RATED, ok?)
It all started well over a year ago.
Several times Christy and I had discussed whether or not we were going to have any more kids. Christy–of course–entertained the idea of having a little girl, but who’s to say we’d actually have a girl if we tried again, eh? And then there was also the Noah-factor: if we got pregnant again there is a 10% chance that baby would have autism. One child with autism is enough to deal with, much less two. We LOVE our two kids–don’t get me wrong here–but that was something to consider in this whole thing. (And while we’re talking about Noah, let me just say he is SOOOO precious. We couldn’t have asked for two better little boys, and have SO much love for our children.)
BUT the decision was sealed not too long ago on a dark and stormy night driving home on the 15 freeway from San Diego. I remember it like it was yesterday.
We were talking about having a third child AGAIN, and the conversation went a little like this:Christy: “Wouldn’t it be just sooooo sweet to have a girl? We could dress her in little cute girl clothes…”
Daniel: “I dunno…”
C: “But girls are so cute…blah blah blah…”
D: “We are NOT having another baby…do you really want to go through all of that again?”
C: “No…not really….we could ADOPT!!”
D: “Why would we adopt when your uterus is perfectly capable of…” (GASP) “Wait! What about Harkins?”
C: “Harkins??”
D: “You know, the movie theatre we love and adore that offers babysitting in the lobby for $6 per child, per movie, that our kids love and is only available to them whilst they are ages 3-8 years old?”
C: (GASP) “Ohmygosh.”
D: “Nathaniel is 6 (he was when we were having this conversation) and if we have another child, even if we adopted TOMORROW, that baby wouldn’t be 3 until AFTER Nathaniel had already passed age 8. Therefore, we would no longer be able to go to Harkins–the baby would be too young and Nathaniel would be too old by the time that kid is old enough to go!”
C: “You’re right. We can’t do it.”
D: “I KNOW!”
C: “That settles it. We are not having any more kids. Go get a vasectomy.”
D: “Praise the Lord! Wait. What?”
And there you have it. Harkins made me get a vasectomy.
Comments (18)
Uhhhh…
You know, I was sympathetic towards your plight and pain.
But now that I know it was Harkins that caused you to decide this, I just think you’re both nutty in the head.
Congrats! It’ll get better in a bit….really, it’s worth it.
Men make me laugh! Pain? Try 13+ hours of labor!
God knew what He was doing when he chose women to have babies!
Your owie will be better soon.
You didn’t lose your manhood! A real man does exactly what you did!
You didn’t make Christy go through another surgery to have her tubes tied!
You have 2 wonderful boys, and maybe when Nathaniel is old enough to babysit, you can think of adopting a girl!
Hey man. Welcome to “the club.” We need to begin having organized meetings for “the club.” We just need to identify all those who are eligible.
TR<><
I am not at all surprised or shocked, which is a little surprising and shocking.
(Still having heart palpitations.)
WEll as long as you thought it through……OUCH!!! I mean movies are impotent :>) I mean importent.
as a parent of an autistic child i understand your worrie, and its not that you wouldnt love any child but it feels like your playing a craps game with there lives. that being said my wife and i have 4 children my oldest jesse is 12 and he is autistic sarah 10 was born before we knew jesse had autism. i would be lying if i said it wasnt a big part of the discussion to have more children but we decided we could handle it so we had brandy 3 and jax 1. unfortunately we were right to be concerned as we just found out brandy is autistic and now of course there is an overwhelming fear that jax could be also. i love all my children without reservation or condition but i do fear for brandy and jesse’s future, with that fear comes a great deal of guilt whether its our fault or not!! i wish i were as strong as you, not giving into our desire to have another baby but i can say no matter what level brandy ends up being or what her and jesses future may hold my wife and i will be right there with them loving and supporting no matter what! (mainly cause thats our only choice now)
Yikes! What a post!
FYI, I did not approve this message.
This post is what happens when workaholic daniel has nothing to occupy his time except video games. Ha ha!
…but he’s right about Harkins, that did seal the deal to not have
more children. The plan to get the procedure was already in the works
though.
Harkins. Love it.
@hawk762 - wow. I applaud your strength and patience. Having a child with autism can be quite a burden at times. I can’t imagine having more than one!!
With that said, we are quite pleased with the services we’ve received for Noah. It’s a constant struggle to decide what is appropriate for his learning and growing…but we are praying for direction constantly.
If you’d ever like to talk, let me know. I’d love to trade experiences with another parent.
Are you local? California?
Let me know….
Hahahahahahaha!!! Thanks for the laugh – I REALLY needed it. You guys are so hilarious . . . I can’t believe a movie theatre figured into the decision. Hope you feel better soon. Here I thought you were just home sick.
Daniel, you are one nutty fruit cake, buddy. Still I wish you a speedy recovery.
@deatrizd - wow. that’s gotta be one of my favorite comments EVER.
love it.
yes…I AM nutty.
did I mention the theatre was MAGICAL!!??!?!
NO IM NOT LOCAL I LIVE IN MID-MISSOURI,
thanks for subscribing to my blog!!!
And oooooooooooooh man I have to congratulate you on your decision and give you a HUGE pat on the back. My husband and I aren’t done having children yet, since we only have one 9 month old son, but the conversation about the v-word has come up more than once. My husband has always flat out refused (and i mean REFUSED!!!!!) to get one. I say if the mommy has to actually birth the baby and recover from that, not just once but usually several times, then the husband should do his part and get a vasectomy! He wants to protect what’s “rightfully” his.
I can tell I’m going to enjoy reading your blogs; I like the way you write =)
@hawk762 - well…I guess we’re not going to have you all over for dinner anytime soon!! Well, still…nice to connect on the interwebs!!
@MelodicPuppy - THANKS for the comment!!
And I have to tell you that I was REEEEEEEALLY against it, and probably put it off for a good 18 to 24 months! I was dead-set against it, but…time helps…and so did the prodding of my wife.
It also helped when a buddy called and told me that “it wasn’t all that bad, and was worth it”.
Right now though, I’m way too close to it to be objective. It still hurts!!!
Good to connect!!!