Last week in APU’s newspaper “The Clause” I read one of the most lame articles I’ve ever come across. Below is the heinous article in it’s entirety, along with a GREAT letter to the editor that was published in today’s edition of “The Clause” in rebuttal.
IF ONLY LIFE WAS EASIER
ARIEL FORTUNE | news editor
I messed up my
chapel card again. I filled in the “zero” bubble instead of the “two” on my
chapel card. One little mistake and my entire existence at this chapel is in
jeopardy. I lean over to ask my best friend if she has an eraser but I see a
chapel patrolman eye me down. There goes that idea.
Busted.
I think to myself of various ways I can shift around my schedule, leave early
from one of my two jobs or pay someone to attend chapel for me in the next two
days. I cannot miss another chapel this week.
Do you ever wish APU just made your day a little bit easier?
As a freshman, I was very ill one weekend but was unable to receive any true
clarity for my sickness. By the time I was able to locate the Health Center
I had contemplated turning back. Something about the sign labeled “Office of
Study Abroad” just did not strike me as a place for getting shots or taking
your temperature.
As college students, we carry a very heavy load. For many of us the constant
vigor of classes, two jobs and an indispensable social life leave us no room
for fooling around. While we cannot decrease the homework load or simply refill
our wallets with cash we do not have, it seems there has to be something APU
can do to make our days more hassle-free.
“There should be a gondola between East and West,” senior international
business major Kyle Bishop said. “Or a zip line if that costs too much.”
Granted, we could also play the Top 40 every night on the trolley or serve
filet mignon and crème brulee in the Den, but this is unlikely to happen.
However, there are a few changes APU could look into, besides creating a lengthy
water canal for couples to rendezvous between classes. Instead of taking your
girlfriend out to dinner, you could simply ask her if she wants to go to West.
Young couples could celebrate their engagement by riding hand in hand on the
gondola down Citrus and over Foothill. During Spring, we would probably need
two gondolas.
We could employ the friendly individuals at the front gate on East as gondola
guides. I always get so confused driving into the front gate. Where is the
lollipop with that wave? Why not hand out some candy?
Speaking of food, why is it that lunch and dinner at the cafeteria seem so
expensive? I mean, have you ever forgotten your identification card? It is
like, “Let me see your I.D. or fork over your life savings.”
“I think there should be some way for us to just purchase the salad bar,”
Bishop said.
Perhaps we need a monitor where you can manually touch a button labeled “salad
bar” and enter your I.D. number. We could fingerprint everyone like they do at
local tanning salons. Rarely do students go anywhere without their hands.
But getting past the front may not be your biggest problem. It is when you get
in to find there is no chocolate milk and no bagels. You consider the fries but
decide against it when you recall earlier last week when you squirted ketchup
all over your new shirt by trying to open a million little ketchup packets. By
the time you were able to get a decent amount of ketchup on your plate, you
were fatigued, no longer hungry and filthy. Why does someone not do us all a
favor and get a big ketchup dispenser like the ones at McDonald’s.
Eventually you realize the ketchup dilemma is going to have to wait because you
have a class in Duke at 1:05. You have to hurry. At 1:45 you are still standing
in front of room 224. You step to the classroom on the right and it reads 287.
You need room 234. What is going on? Perhaps if we stood long enough the
classroom will appear like the Marketplace did in Harry Potter. Why not just
label the doors one, two, three and four?
“They go from one number to another and you have no idea how it makes sense.
You can just count on getting lost,” senior applied health major Laura Heiner
said.
Finally you are able to locate your classroom and sit down. Within minutes you
begin pulling up your sleeves and rubbing ice cubes across your forehead. With
the vast temperature ranges in the classrooms it seems that your motto these
days is “Biology hot, Spanish not.” In Biology you could use a cup of ice-cold
lemonade and a couple grape popsicles but in Spanish you better bring a couple
sweaters and a solar-powered heat generator next to you. There has to be
something to make our days easier.
“We should install mirrors on the corners of the Shire and behind Trinity for
safety,” senior youth ministries major Kyle Cummins said.
Given the amount of ailing children attempting to make it in time to the Health Center,
it may be a good idea.
Small improvements such as these could save us a minute here or a minute there.
I could use a handful of fries without the ketchup disasters and I definitely
would not mind riding a zip line to West. So APU, how about making my life
easier?
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
Dear Editor,
Perhaps it was meant to be funny, perhaps a little bit of exaggeration was used
to make the point, but the point made in last week’s “If Only Life Was Easier”
was perhaps the most self-centered and warped I have ever heard made in the
Clause. It was outright complaining, and the humor did not, by any means, make
it less inappropriate.
Especially in the midst of Economic Justice Week when we learned in the
“Inequality in Education” forum on Monday night about inner-city classrooms
that don’t even have enough chairs for students to sit in, when we learned at
the ELI Walk-a-Thon about the children that walk for two hours one way to get
to the school that ELI built in Africa, when we learned at the “Black Gold”
screening about the man in Ethiopia who would sell the shirt off of his back if
it would help to build a schoolhouse for his children to be educated in –
especially in the midst of all this truth about the general state of education
in this world, I am absolutely shocked that we have allowed ourselves to
complain about the facilities we have and to whine for better. To do so is to
mock God’s gifts to us and to prove ourselves the most ignorantly
self-centered, self-indulgent people on the planet.
I read this article and thought of the children I met in Ecuador this summer
who learn in one-room schoolhouses that are roofed with corrugated iron, furnished
with splintery wooden desks (and too few of those), and baked in the nearly
unbearably humid Amazonian sun. And I thought of the children in the rural town
of Carrerras, Ecuador who walk a fair distance
three times a week in wind that chaps their cheeks just to receive a lunch of
white rice and beets at the Christian school. I thought of the billions who
desperately need food and health care and who desire education of any kind, and
thought what a sin it is that we cannot be content to have a cafeteria, a
health center, and classrooms at all – let alone a cafeteria with choices and
so many classrooms that we get lost finding them.
We have lost perspective. We have lost the ability to look beyond ourselves and
be thankful. It is not wrong to receive the blessings we have been given, but
it is wrong to suggest that we have not been given enough. It is not even wrong
to bring up preferences and safety issues to the administration, but it is
entirely wrong to incite fellow students to complain. A joke can make
selfishness seem ok.
So take a sweater to your cold classroom and be thankful that you have air
conditioning. Walk the half-mile to West Campus and be thankful that you don’t
have to walk two hours for an education. And if you get ketchup on your new
shirt, be thankful that you have forty others. Be thankful.
Let’s open our eyes and stop being frivolous and self-centered. If you don’t
think your life is easy enough, the fault lies in your perspective, not in a
lack of blessing.
Sincerely,
Amy S*******
Senior, English major